Title: Lactose Intolerance.

Author: Elixie

Pairing: Giles/Cheeseman

Rating: R for nudity and sexual situations

Disclaimer: If it was mine would I have a disclaimer? Joss and his herd own it. I'm just borrowing them for this cheesy thing.

Note: This is in answer to Dusty's challenge. Do I pass the audition?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you sure we should just drop in like this, Buffy?" Willow asked as they walked up to Giles' door.

"Chill, Will. It's not like we'll be interrupting anything." Buffy answered as she opened the door.

They stopped dead at the sight of Giles, naked in the middle of his living room. He appeared to be sitting on something that was not the couch. Said couch was blocking their view of what he was sitting on.

"Who's a happy cow? Say it. Say it for me." Giles was purring.

"Moo. Moo." The Scoobies looked at each other puzzled. Something about the obviously male voice was familiar, but none of them could quite place it. "Once around the living room, Mac my dear." Giles said. As he and his mystery guest started around the couch, they saw that it was…

"The Cheeseman!!!" They all exclaimed. Giles, who had not seen them come in, let out a high pitched scream and fell off his 'cow's' back.

"UH, Buffy, Willow, Xander. What are you ding here?" Giles said then muttered under his breath, "I really need to start locking that bloody door."

"We, uh, were just stopping by to see how you were.'" Willow said. "We didn't know you had company."

Giles smiled. "Oh this is Mac. You remember him don't you?" Before they had a chance to answer there came a voice behind them.

"For lo, I am the anti-cheese!"

They spun around to find an exact copy of the cheeseman standing in the doorway.

"Vel, you made it!" Giles said as he stood up. "This is Velveeta man. He's Mac's brother."

"Whoa! Behold the power of cheese!" Willow gasped. Buffy and Xander looked where she was pointing. Giles had moved from behind the couch. Balanced perfectly on his erection was a slice of American cheese.

"Ah, my eyes, my eyes!!" Xander screamed.

Mac slapped him upside the head. "Shut the hell up, whiner."

"Now if you please, I would like to finish what I was doing," Giles said, testing a can of Easy Cheese as he ushered them out the door.

"Fear not my friends, for the cheeseman cometh!" They heard Giles yell as they ran for what was left of their sanity.